2012- My Year of Accountability

Since the beginning of the new year, I've been meaning to write this post about Accountability. Of course, one of the main ways I can be more accountable in a more timely and more meaningful way, is to avoid PROCRASTINATION. As I became more and more obese over the years, even though I planned, and planned success for myself, I began to put off the "doing" part of the process-- and remained mired in procrastination, indecision, and what I consider to be failure.

Well, NO MORE!  I'm posting this list of goals for this year, and I'm going to move forward.  The only thing that has been holding me back, is me!  This isn't going to be an all or nothing proposition-- I've used that for years as an excuse to stay in place, to tread water..... I'm seeking progress, not perfection. I'm going to incorporate small, measurable goals, and I'm going to stop the blame game, with myself, and look to solve problems, instead of just acknowledging them.  Ambitious?  Sure. But I need to move my life forward.  The indecision and inconsistency I've displayed over the years in my dieting life, has been spilling over into the rest of my life, and I want to improve my quality of life big-time.

I just need to believe in myself again.  There, I said it. I think I just hit the nail on the head.  I am responsible for being stuck where I am, and I need to believe that I can move forward. I need to be like NIKE and "Just do it."
Without further ado, (or procrastination:) here are my goals for 2012--

Twelve, for 2012

Measurable/Recordable Goals:

1. Follow all of the gastric band rules- not just the ones I find easy!
2. Exercise- a minimum- of 10 minutes each day (to start)
3. Lose 1 pound a week, minimum.  ***More would be sweet, but this doesn't always happen, even when all of the rules are followed. 
4. Blog every Sunday (more, if I have news or anything important to say!)
5. Record my weights and exercise stats
6. Keep a personal food journal, on loseit.com (Lose It . Com)

Other Goals

1. Work on the clutter in my life. This will help me at home and at work.
2. Recognize and acknowledge my successes.
3. Keep a list of my non-scale victories.
4. Try to become a better friend, i.e., get outside of myself....
5. Develop some new interests and hobbies, besides food!  Blogging, of course, is one of these.
6. Work on my self-esteem.

Please note, the fact that I've taken until January 15th to blog about my goals for the new year, is just a minor example of the procrastination in my life. Much of my problem is that I 'live in my head' and I need to better translate my thoughts into actions.

Do any of you have a problem with this?  Please comment, if you do.  I am also open to any and all suggestions about blogging and staying successful in my weight loss journey for the long haul.  I'd love to hear from you.

Putting it all out there

I've been fat a long time.  Only 6 lbs, 7 oz. at birth, my weight began to increase exponentially at approximately age ten.  My weight has climbed for most of my life-- with peaks and valleys as I lost and regained the same 10-20 pounds, over and over again. I hit my peak of 287 in 2009, and again, in 2010. Finally, in May of 2011, I had an adjustable gastric band (Allergan Lapband) 'installed.'  Since then, I've lost weight VERY gradually.  I've come to realize that the Lapband is a wonderful thing, but that it is only as good as its 'operator.'  It's NOT magic and it does not guarantee instant, rapid weightloss.  It is not the easy way out, and NEWSFLASH: there IS NO easy way out for permanent weightloss.  There are rules and restrictions. If one is a food addict, it can be difficult to achieve optimal results-- if serious changes are not made.  I will write more about this later.  The main obstacles I've had with my weight loss include food addiction, stress, the need to overcome my couch potato mentality, and my need for a more comprehensive circle of support.  I'm seeking your support, as I shed my excess pounds. Please help me.




 

Moving beyond the binge

I set up this blog, and then life intervened.  This is just another excuse in a long line of excuses.... which has impeded my weight loss. But, enough about that, and my tendency to procrastinate 'everything...'

Here's a bit more about my current quest to lose weight and improve my overall health.... In July 2010, I began to research weight loss surgery, as a viable option for me, on my journey.  I have hypertension, morbid obesity, early Type 2 diabetes, sleep apnea, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, and hypokalemia.  Some of these (diabetes, sleep apnea, hypertension) are considered co-morbidities for weight loss surgery, and are even more reason to have it done.  I attended a seminar, and began the journey toward having lap-band surgery, and, to date, have yet to be cleared.  The program I entered requires a 5% weight loss-- which for me would be14 pounds.  Easier said than done, as I am finding out :).  It also requires monthly appointments with a dietician and enough visits with a staff psychiatrist to be cleared.  There is bloodwork, consultation with pulmonologist (for sleep study), cardiologist, and gastroenterologist.  An endoscopy is required, as are any tests the other specialists require.....  A minimum of 2 support groups, pre-op, are also required. 

I have run into several road-blocks along the way.  The cardiologist required a stress test and an echocardiogram, which I 'passed'-- not without much stress along the way, I might add.... But my hypertension is not well-enough controlled-- so additional medicine was added, and I've had to wait additional time for BP re-checks, before being cleared.... To date, I am not cleared :(

Another major roadblock, is that my endoscopy showed MULTIPLE stomach polyps! While testing benign, these can be a pre-cursor/risk for stomach cancer-  YIKES!  Worse, there are submucosal polyps which need further examination, and in order to determine that these are benign, and part of a benign condition-- I now need an endoscopic ultrasound in order to be cleared for surgery.  Apparently this not that easy to arrange locally.  GREAT. More cause for stress-eating-- lol.

I have been seeing the dietician, and the psychologist.  I've attended 3 support groups.  My blood work is passable.  I've met the surgeon for a meet and greet, and I didn't need to see the sleep specialist, because I am already under the care of one, and using a CPAP for my sleep apnea.  (It has literally been the reason I've been able to survive the last four years, IMHO.)

The weight loss.  OH, the weight LOSS.  I've been holding my own, and losing and regaining the same 3-5 pounds, depending on what's going on.  I've made many of the required eating changes, but have not been able to 'totally' give up carbs, or pretty close, which is seems to be part of the required dietary changes for weight loss surgery. I eat way too much fruit, and when I get other carb cravings, a little bit begets more.  My binge eating has been under control for the most part, but there was a time very recently, when I really didn't care, and ate off course for several days.  None of this is conducive to a 14 pound weight loss.  SO, I decided to write some of this down, commit to following the very low carb plan required both before and after surgery (45 G carbs max, per DAY!) and do my best to progress, so that I can complete the pre-surgery requirements, and have the surgery.  I will be so grateful if I finally get clearance from the cardiologist, and the endocronologist, because the fact that I haven't been cleared yet scares the crap out of me!   I knew I was unhealthy, but......

 I will keep you posted!

Welcome to my first ever blog post!

Hello!  I'm new to the blogging world as a blogger, and relatively new, as a reader of blogs.  I've found that I really enjoy reading blogs about weight loss, and weight struggles.  I've had years of trials and tribulations as an obese female-- in a thin-loving world!  I now believe that my health and my life are paramount- and if my appearance improves along the way- I can live with that :)   I've followed several blogs for several months, and there are several I find inspiring.  (See my links.)  I hope to use blogging to help me stay focused on my weight loss journey. (More about that soon!)